Ah, Brazil – home of the Amazon Rainforest, the Golden lion tamarin, and the Blue-bellied parrot; Brazil, the land of samba, soccer, and apparently, a peculiar fondness for turning its presidential palaces into revolving doors to the jail house. Ah, Brazil.

While most countries are content with their ex-leaders cashing in on memoirs or TED Talks, on running Foundations, and in the case of Botswana’s former president Ian Khama, looking after Rhinos and participating in extreme sports, Brazil has elevated “post-presidency planning” to an art form: orange jumpsuits and iron bars. It’s like the nation’s judicial system runs on caipirinhas (which is a bit like Malawi Gin) and a strict “no second chances” policy.

What’s up with the obsession? Guys, relax.

Blame it on Lava Jato, that mega-corruption probe which turned Brasília into a soap opera where everyone gets their dramatic comeuppance. Let’s samba through the rogues’ gallery of Brazil’s jailed ex-presidents, shall we?

First up is the OG offender: Fernando Collor de Mello, who in 1990 became Brazil’s youngest president at 41, promising to fight inflation like a capoeira master. He has a PhD, so before you dismiss him, he isn’t daft. And yet he got himself tangled in a web of corruption scandals, including siphoning public funds for everything from fancy cars to a questionable “family allowance” that suspiciously benefited… his family.

To the tune of $6.5 million!

And after this investigation, Mello was impeached in 1992 amid cries of “thief!” from the masses (who were so gleeful to see him go, they even held a massive beach protest with his effigy). True story.

But Mello dodged jail for decades. Only in 2014 did karma capoeira-kick him when he was rounded up and convicted of influence peddling and money laundering. He served house arrest, well, because apparently, even in disgrace, Brazilian elites get the VIP lounge treatment.

Lesson? Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, understood…

Fast-forward to the 2010s, and enter Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, the working-class icon who lifted millions out of poverty with his charm and social programs. Lula was loved by his supporters. But oh, the plot twist! In 2017, whether by hook or crook, and using the media to taint him, Lava Jato – Brazil’s Operation Car Wash – a probe so thorough it could clean your soul, nailed the beloved Lula for corruption and money laundering. The probe was tied to the Petrobras oil scandal, and he was accused of accepting a bribe in the form of a swanky beachfront apartment. Lula spent 580 days in a tiny cell from 2018 to 2019, protesting his innocence with the fervor of a carnival float. Released on a technicality, his convictions were later annulled by the Supreme Court in 2021, allowing his triumphant return as president in 2023. Imagine that … Brazil’s judicial merry-go-round at its finest: from jailbird to boss again. Who needs plot armor when you’ve got appeals?

Then there’s Michel Temer, the mafioso-like interim president who stepped in after Dilma Rousseff’s 2016 impeachment. Ah, auntie Dilma…. she got knocked off the presidency’s perch when her fiscal wizardry went wrong. Think of her as a more competent version of Britain’s shortest serving Prime Minister Liz Truss – whose dodgy monetary policy also tanked the British economy.

But there has not (yet) been any jail time for auntie Dilma, even though Brazil’s senate said the reasons for her impeachment was on charges of “criminal administrative misconduct” for breaking budgetary laws. Criminal, eh..

Anyway, Temer, scowling like a disgruntled and stern uncle at a family barbecue, his face twisted in a mix of disappointment and outrage, as if he’d just been denied the last spicy sausage, he promised economic stability but instead delivered scandal galore. In 2019, Temer was arrested for corruption, obstruction of justice, and leading a criminal organization. Basically, the dude turned the presidency into a shady jamboree of kickbacks and other dodgy schemes, amongst them a bribery scandal involving JBS S.A., the meat-packing Brazilian multinational corporation. J&F Investimentos, the company behind JBS, was forced to pay a fine of $3.2 Billion (yes, Billion with a B) as punishment for the kerfuffle.

Released on bail after months in the clink, Temer faced more charges but slithered free on technicalities like a slippery fish.

It’s like Brazil’s courts are playing a game of “corruption whack-a-mole,” but each time the moles keep popping up from the presidential palace.

And now, the 2025 headliner: Jair Bolsonaro, tataaa ♫. The far-right firebrand whose 2019-2023 presidential term was a whirlwind of COVID19 denial, environmental damage denial, and… erm…democratic denial, lost Brazil’s 2022 election. Bolsonaro allegedly then plotted a coup. The prosecution says he incited the January 8, 2023 riots (these guys and January riots) where his supporters stormed government buildings like extras in a low-budget apocalypse film, smashing and rampaging like the world was about to end, while attempting to overthrow Lula’s inauguration.

And in the last couple of days Bolsonaro has been convicted by the Supreme Court of Brazil. He’s been slapped with a whopping 27 years for attempted coup, sedition, and incitement. That’s enough time for him to learn Portuguese prison slang and maybe rethink that military parade obsession. Also, maybe he can try to grow a beard?

But Bolsonaro’s avenues for appealing are narrow. According to this Reuters piece, under Brazil’s law, if less than two justices dissent on the ruling, you can either appeal for a shorter sentence or for house arrest. But not to overturn the judgement itself.

It sounds like a plot from a movie. One day you’re chummy with Donald Trump and enjoying a lavish stay at Mar-a-Lago, the next moment you’re accused of wanting to “violently abolish democracy”, among other crimes, and the Brazilian slammer beckons for your arse. And the day after that – your lawyers are planning on asking the courts if you can at least serve a shorter sentence in your own house.

And when it comes to topping the global charts for countries that are …good at locking up their former leaders, Peru alone is the only other country, other than Brazil, where at least four former leaders have been convicted. In Peru’s case, five former leaders are serving time in the same prison(Barbadillo Prison)!

So then, why does Brazil keep dragging its former presidents to the pokey? Is it erm … “tropical accountability” – a steamy mix of robust institutions, fed-up citizens, a legislature with a propensity to impeach presidents, and a judiciary that has a kink for discharging presidential convictions? Or are Brazilian leaders just extraordinarily more corrupt than the … average dishonest politician?

In a world where some leaders often skate free, Brazil’s habit is interesting, if not refreshingly comedic: it turns power trips into perp walks, ensuring no one leaves office without a potential inmate named Miguel. Who knows, maybe next it’ll be a Brazilian president arrested for… refueling his own car without help? Apparently, there’s a weird law against that too.

So, stay tuned, samba fans – the next episode drops any day!

• What next for Brazil’s Bolsonaro after 27-year sentence for coup plot? (Reuters)